like any of you will take the trouble

but my movie is available for download here. It's ultra low res, so it's painful to watch. If you want, I can try to format a higher res version that will fit my disk space, but since I don't really know what I'm doing, and it takes forever for the computer to reformat 28 minutes of video, I'll only do it if you really want me to. Alternately, I could buy more disk space, but I don't really want to. At any rate, with dial up, it will take a long time to download (I don't know how to stream video-- yet-- so you have to download the file to view it).

So, you guys still alive or anything? I'm in the throes of moving, which is hellish. I want to own nothing. I'm done with my city college classes, but training new recruits at the bfc starts next week, so there will be no rest for me.

so kitties,

speak to me. things can't be that bad.

today's cute patient name: Wendi Flybutter

Hey, the queer film festival's coming up next month, and this year they're spotlighting transgender flicks, so if either of you ever had a hankering to come out and do a film fest with me, this would be an interesting one.

Been trying to put my own film on line, but 28 minutes is a honkin' big file, too big to fit on my puny iDisk space. I re-rendered it at a lower resolution, so now it fits, but it's really really bad looking (and sounding). What to do?

sorry

about Keegan. Hope he didn't suffer too much.
Yeah, I'll put the film online, but it may have to be the short version cuz i messed up the full version on my hard drive (although i have several copies of it burned to DVD).

so are yous guys gonna come visit me? ever?

hey

no.

we shouldn't end the blog.

or at least we shouldn't end being friends.

We got word last night that Keegan has died. Two weeks ago the clean bill of health suddenly turned into 8 new tumors, and the doctors gave him 2-3 months to live.

Apparently one of the tumors was in a part of the brain that controlled his breathing.

ABM and Helen went down to Dallas this past weekend, and only just returned Tuesday. I'm so glad they got to see Keegan alive. I wish I could have gone, but it just wasn't practical for us.

ABM has headed for Dallas with her mom and dad and sister for the funeral.

Poor little guy. So. talk to you later. don't end the blog.

Dana. Can you upload your movie in quicktime somewhere? I've got something to show you guys too.

showed my film in class last night

it totally KILLED. I had so many compliments about it, and it was the truncated version.

so anyway, before the blog totally dies off and the two of you become hazy memories and all, please fly out to SF and let's have a party. surely there is a weekend that both of you are free at the same time. i know scott goes out to Huntington Beach to play role playing games each year, so i know ABM doesn't have him staked out on a leash in the back yard. i'm sure diane can swing it. don't you guys CARE?

Can you help me with blood bank?!

I emailed you five problems that I don't know how to do. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with all of this. My assignment is due tomorrow but there is no way I will get it done by then. Maybe I can get the post office lady back-postmark it again.

obviously, i'm at work

because my posts are so dinky, or as like to think of them, "bite-sized."
friday was pretty fun, we had a taining collective meeting for my section at the bfc. we were reading applications of prospective members and deciding which ones we wanted to weed out, which ones we wanted to interview. lotsa good natured sarcasm, chanting of "KILL KILL KILL!" when a candidate application came up that we all didn't like. at one point the desire for alcohol came up, and JohnDay, one of the clinic 'osauruses, said "reach behind the couch, there should be a brown paper bag down there." there was, and it contained a large bottle of some potent alcoholic bev. then he produced some tabs of vicodin ("viamin V"). oh i felt so good, i forgot about my present painful bout of trying to remove winston from my pathetic life.

plus i'm sick today. did i mention that i work about every weekend?

yeah, what is it about dr. phil?

the kids in my section at the bfc hate him, too, to the point where they express death wishes for the portly pontificator.
i haven't watched the guy, don't know what his schtick is, don't want to.
another reason i'm not blogging is lotsa sadness. mostly Winston-induced, partially other things. i'm quitting therapy when my therapist's internship ends in june, but i've perhaps foolishly agreed to join a transgender issues group that starts at the end of the month. it runs for 10 weeks and is free, but it messes with vacation plans i have. i'm basically eager to get out all my antti-gender venom, and shock people.

i will not cop to blog lameness...

... i've been a yeoman in the pursuit of blog vitality in years past.
right now, though, i have to internet at home.
the evil internet at CPMC kicks you out if you don't change web pages like once every 5 minutes, so my posts have to be "quick and dirty" at work (ok, not even dirty, because CPMC has some kindy of sketchy obscenity filter to prevent people from surfing porn sites; for instance, i can't get the SFSI site because of the work "sex" in the home page).

blogs

really only make sense if you want to have them public. Otherwise, we should just have an ongoing email thread. I carried on an email thread with this chick I met at the Cocoon House after getting FFS for about 5 months. She eventually proved to be a total flake (as do most everyone I make friends with). Joining bfc was the best thing I ever did to increase the amount of (non-spam) email I get. These people are email insaniacs!

oh gosh

is this little blogg domed???

Oh well, I love doomed things.

But we have to fund a private forum, or I can't talk about where I live or what happens at work or anyrthing personal. I just can't this way. Sorry.

You'd have made

a great doctor because, 1) you're so damn smart, 2) you're meticulous and genuinely care about others' well being, and 3) people warm up to you fast. But the big draw back to that career for you is I don't see how it would take advantage of your creativity Sure it's problem solving, but within pretty strict boundaries. You need some science job with an imaginative side to it, ideally.I think you should magazine articles about science, technology and medicine.

It's trout season on the Manitou River. It last two weeks. We get lots of fishermen. They park on the road near the bridge. Some have been coming ever year for decases. Carolyn got got the idea to sell cookies and brownies and coffee and sandwiches. I helped her with food. We painted signs "Carolyn'
s Rainbow Snackbar." We practiced making change all week. She made $30.00 on Saturday with her little table over by the bridge. Sunday, there were fewer fishermane and rained and we gave up early.

Canadians in America are always saying how scarey the US. They see a lot on TV about the Republicans and the Religious right, and the Supreme court and Bush invoking God's name all the time, and from up here it does get to sound a little creepy. But you, know despite how loud a voice they have in the media, no body really seems to be listening. Nobody seems to live by the principles they espouse. There isn't a huge religious revivial in the United States. There's not a large increase in the numbers of people attending church every sunday. Most people aren't virgins on their wedding day. There's no drop in the numbers of couples who live together. Gays aren't going back into the closet. Women aren't quitting their jobs to stay home and having not using birth control. University students still have keg parties and smoke pot. Americans havn't stopped getting divorced.
No one is shocked by interacial marriage anymore. There's openly gay people on TV. There's no stigma to being a single mom, other than "God she must be really tired."

Regardless of scarey the Republicans sound on TV, it's like there's an entire countey saying, "Oh no, we wouldn't dream of doing those terrible things. Can we the keys to car now? Don't wait up!" It's like were're nation of teenagers living in their political basement, willing to trade certain real freedoms, if they just kind of look the other way about other stuff, and Dad doesn't lose his job.

Other things I've been thinking of:

I hate Dr. Phil. He is evil.

I saw a great movie called Wrestling With Ernest Hemmmingway. It loved it. It made me cry. Robert Duval has a cuban accent.

I had insominia bad last week and also several good documentaries on : Stalin& Hitler, Timothy Leary, Eqyptian mummies, life in a Penquin colony and other cool stuff.
Why is the best TV on at 3am? It just confirms my theory that I am somehow weird or defective, because "Top Gun" runs 7 times during normal veiwing ours but some terrific Independant film or ducumentary is only on at 2:25 on a Tuesday night. late night tive makes me feel exactly the way I did in High school.

birfday pt 2

Winston's been really nice lately, we're going to LA for a coupla days next week. I'm basically finished with my film, would ya's like to see it? I'll try to post it online, or I can burn DVD's and send 'em to you. If you like. At work, the guy who hired on to my old supe job quit, so that's open, I might as well reapply and try to soak 'em for more money. At any rate, there'll be more erratic schedule to pay, it could be a jarring summer (he basically quit because he they were making him work on the bench way way more than they led him to believe. Duh).

Hey, I've now visited both of you, when is one of you gonna visit me, huh?

today is my birfday-uh!

I'm like 67 or something. Too old for medical school, too young to die. Anyway, to celebrate, I got like 4 hours of sleep. That's right, working' gravies at davies this weekend. Then doing SFSI (re)training. Feels like a year ago. But SFSI training is fun. I recommend it to anyone, period. Today was the classic "fuck-a-rama" multi-media presentation, a sorta hyper-saturation exposure to porn. 4 projectors (2 film and 2 digital) and 2 slide shows going all at once, showing every possible flavor and perversion and lovely variation of human sex acts. Pretty cool.