tired of being a drone

that's the main reason I want to be a doctor. I want to do something challenging before I die. It's a big self-esteem experiment. If I get in, suddenly I have a new big giant project! Yeah, docs are mostly jerks. But I won't be. I just hate this phase that I'm in. I've sent out all these apps, pestered folks to write letters of recommendation. Now I'm waiting for responses. Am I in the running? Do I have no chance in hell? Are members of the admissions commitees having a good laugh over my excruciatingly self-revelatory essays? What am I going to be doing next year?