can't please anyone

I ditched Winston tonight and I feel rotten about it. He bought "a little christmas tree" the other day while he was at Target or somewhere. He wanted me to come over and decorate it for him. He was really sweet about it. Well, I had to work graves last night-- it was crazy, busy all night long-- then I had to go directly over to Berkeley for a half day training 'cause our section is revamping it's protocol. Another nice thing-- my 2 favorite phlebots were working this morning, Lillian & Annabelle, and they snuck out to hang with me while I was waiting for the streetcar this morning, and it was really COLD this morning, too. There's a bunch of people I'm really gonna miss if I leave that crappy job. Anyway, I finally get home around 2pm, haven't slept in like 20 hours, so I take a nap. Sleep maybe 3 hours. Then Winston calls, says he ordered a pizza, double garlic, our fave. I go down there, and see his tree: it's this tiny potted ceday, maybe 9" tall. In his crappy cluttered apartment. It suddenly all seemed so sad. I'm the only one who'll celebrate xmas with him. But I also remembered I had a meeting to go to back at the bfc. I was conflicted, cause I wanted to hang with Winston. But then he started crabbing about something and I didn't want to deal with it. So I got up and said I had to go to a meeting, and left. Just like that. I called back and apologized to his answering machine, but he hasn't returned a call. I feel really bad. But it was good that I went to the meeting. So now I'm all conflicted. I hate this.