Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Canadians are complaining

(Ontarioans, at least) about the lack of snow and subzero temperatures. It hurts the economy, they say. Is the entire economy that dependent on the sale of snow machines and wooly hats?

Were your IV drug users formally religious or never religious?

Bush is in Ottawa for two days.

I've been working xtra hours because my co-workers have been sick.

I have another histology assignment due. What sadist came up with these due dates? Its always a Friday, and the last one is due December 27th.

It rained all weekend. I'm so tired of mud. The house looked like it was surrounded by a moat.

I think the geese and seagulls have all left, even though there is still a lot of open water.

I'm feeling kind of hermity these days.




Sunday, November 28, 2004

I wasn't hungover

I was sick! I thought I was over this flu, but it's back with lots o' mucus!

The term paper (which the questionnaire was part of) was "The Spiritual Beliefs of Intravenous Drug Users." I've spent the last 2 months asking junkies about their religious beliefs.

You guys were gonna be in the control group of non-junkies, you know, to compare my junkie responses to. My groups were pretty small-- 32 junkies and 42 non-junkies-- but I didn't have that much time to spend on it and, shit, it's just a term paper for community college.

However I did notice trends. As you might suspect:
junkies are by and large young white nihilistic males who don't got no respect for the gods.
they're pretty much Kurt Cobain, with less talent.

Friday, November 26, 2004

A Question of Balance

1. How old are you? 42

2. What is your race? (Caucasian (white)

3. What is your gender? •Male

4. Do you presently inject drugs for recreational purposes, such as heroin, cocaine,
etc.? No

5. Have you ever in the past used injected drugs? No

6. Do you presently have health insurance? Yup

7. Have you ever been homeless? No

8. Where do you usually receive health care? •doctor’s office

9. Do you currently belong to a religion? N

10. If so, what is the name of the religion? ____________________________________

11. Do you believe in a god or gods? Not really

12. Do you consider yourself an atheist? Sort of

13. Have you belonged to a religion in the past but then “lost faith” in it? Yup

14. Were you raised in a certain religion? Yup

15. What was the name of that religion? Lutheran_____________________________________

16. Did you attend regular religious services while growing up? Yes

17. Was there any point in your life when you changed religions? ??? Sort of.

18. If so, how many times have you changed religions? Audra got involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses, so I did some bible study with one of the brothers, and we went to services and everything for ... a couple of years while in Germany. We did Goddess stuff. We went to Unitarian Church in Las Cruces (as Dana will recall meeting Clyde Tombaugh) and First U. Church back in Cincy. actually we tried several U churches here. Before stopping altogether.

19. Was there any point in your life when you rejected religion or god? Y

20. If so, did you stay that way, or did you “return” to religion/god? returned sort of. but not really. I have never really returned to believing in God. Church has been mostly been about fellowship and spirituality as opposed to god worship

21. Did you ever experience an event in your life with strong spiritual or religious meaning, such as a sudden conversion, religious vision, spiritual awakening, etc? No

24. Have your religious experiences ever involved the use of drugs? No

25. Where did you mainly learn about religion (for example, school, family, frtiends,
books?) Church. and from Aunt Vera.

26. If you believe in god, do you believe god judges people based on their behavior?
Y N Don't know.

27. If you believe in god, what is your concept of god? •female if god exists god is more likely female. creative.

28. Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?

•god is an inpersonal force that does not communicate with or influence humans. Y

•god has already passed judgement on humans individually or collectively. N

•god’s judgement can be influenced by prayer/moral behavior/good works. N

•recreational drugs are part of god’s creation and as such exist for us to use. N

•We can never know the mind of god. Y

•all religions have legitimacy. N

•there is only one true religion. N

•drugs can give a person access to spiritual insight. Maybe. What is all of this drugs crap?

•god is everything and everywhere. Maybe

•god has turned his/her/it’s back on mankind. No shit.

•god wants people to enjoy themselves. God couldn't care less.

•my parents gave me no religious guidance. Y

•my parents were religious fanatics. Mom was religious, but I never knew her.

•the world would be better place if there were no recreational drugs. Probably.

•the world would be a better place if everyone took recreational drugs. the world would be a better place if people didn't need drugs to numb themselves or alter their perceptions.

•people are basically good. I think so. except in New Jersey.

•people are basically evil. Sometimes.

•there is a purpose to everyone and everything; everything happens for a reason. No. It's just one damn thing after another.

•people have free will. We think we do.

•all my life I have been searching for spiritual meaning. Y

•I have found the spiritual meaning to my life. N

•finding spiritual meaning is not important to me. N

•throughout history, organized religion has been mostly destructive. No shit.

•throughout history, organized religion has been mostly beneficial. see above

•organized religion is not the answer, spiritual enlightenment comes from within. Yes

•I see myself becoming more spiritual in the future. Doubtful

•I see myself becoming less spiritual in the future. enough!

•see myself staying the same when it comes to spirituality. tired of this.


Thursday, November 25, 2004

next quarter

I take probability and statistics! It's been so long since I've taken a math course... I'm a bit aprehensive.

THAT'S IT!!! I'm never drinking again! Winston and I went to one of my Berkeley friend's place for "orphan Thanksgiving" (basically single adults without kids who can't have Thanksgiving with their parents and siblings). I drank too much and now have a shitty hangover today. Nicole, my clinic pal, was hosting it. It was the first time she had met Winston. She pulled me aside later in the evening and said "You've got to dump him! You can do so much better! We'll find you someone else, I promise!" I felt so bad, though, because Winston was on his best behavior, trying so hard to be sociable around these people he had never met (hell, I had never met most of them); he's been so nice lately.

that's ok.

at least you answered it! (unlike mac). Steve Ostrov answered it! Don't worry, I had enough responses (42 non-IDUs, 32 IDUs).
I think I got sympathy props for it because I was still sick and was sniffin' and snorkin' during the presentation. So now I'm done with the term paper and presentation, so I can just coast until the final on Dec. 21, which should be easy cheese anyway.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I'm sorry

Did I miss your due date for the questionaire?

thanks for answering the questionnaire!

I gave my presentation last night-- it rocked! Everyone applauded. A classmate had me give her a powerpoint tutorial at break.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

answers to questionaire

1) 42
2) white
3)female
4)no
5)no
6)yes (Canada Heath Care System)
7)no
8)doctor’s office/emerg after hours
9) no
10) NA
11) No/ not sure. I would like there to be a God, but it seems like wishful thinking.
12) No. But I try to keep an open mind. I figure that if some physicists have taken the question of God’s existence seriously, I should too. But again, it seems like wishful thinking. I think belief in God has a lot to do with existential loneliness and fear of death. I think the longing for God is also related to the unforgetable child/infant bond, which we seek to re-experience and follow after, like imprinted ducklings.
13) Yes, but at a fairly young age. World History was my downfall. It's all Mr. Rudicells' fault. If all those other cultures believed in various Gods, why was mine more real? If medieval popes went around poisoning people and had concubines, how could they be infailable?
14) Yes, sort of. But my family had very mixed feelings about religion. On my mom’s side, her dad always went to church but her mom never went. On my father’s side, his mother went to church, but his dad stayed home. So a certain amount of religious independence was tolerated.
15) Methodist
16) Yes/No. I remember going to church until the minister was killed in a water skiing accident. And then for some reason we never went back. I think my father lost faith.
17) No, but I would read about other religions just in case there was something I was some great answer I was missing out on.
18) NA
19) Yes. See 13.
20) No, I didn’t return to religion. But I think I’ve kept an open mind.I don't feel the need to "seek spiritual answers." And I figure God knows where to find me if God suddenly needs to tell me something.
21) Yes, but it was not a supernatural experience. It was more like a sudden insight into a philosophical question or a finding of meaning in life, an answer to something, a piece of the puzzle.
22) Question missing
23) Question missing
24) No
25) Family in my earliest experiences, then probably school, and then books on my own.
26) No
27) If there is a God, I don’t know why it would require a gender if its not a biological being.
28-1) Y – I don’t know about "communication," but I don’t think God interferes physically in events.
28-25) Y organized religion is not the answer - enlightement comes within. Even if you study religion/philosophy for answers, you can’t make yourself believe something that doesn’t somehow corraborate your own experiences/world view. You can’t force yourself or others to believe anything that seems false just for the sake of belonging to a group. That sort of belief eventually unravels.
The rest are all "N." It’s hard to generalize about these things.
28-18) Y/N - I believe there can be free will, in that I’m not a determinist, but a person may not always be capable of it. I think free will is biologically related to some random, chaotic element in human thinking that becomes selected or amplified by contact with new ideas and experiences. Free will is basically the capacity for change. But obviously, a person with Alzheimers, or schizophrenia or an addiction lacks a certain amount of free will.
28-17,16 N) People are good and bad to varying degrees, at different moments in their life.
28-18. N) I don’t believe things happen for a "reason" but there can still be meaning in unreasonable events. It’s up to us to find it. Life is a good short story, if nothing else.

Monday, November 22, 2004

answer the questionnaire?

yeah, sure.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

as for your CD question

is it a computer or a stereo CD drive? The only way I know of cleaning a CD drive is to buy one of those CD player cleaning discs. You might also try getting a can of compressed air and zapping the inside of the compartment.

My stereo CD burner kept giving me fatal errors when I tried to finalize recording. I wasted like 8 blank CDs before I gave up.

I'll prolly buy another burner because there are so many cassettes worth of songs that I'd like to get on the iPod. There's a $35 device you can get that will record stuff from your stereo directly on to your hard drive, but apparently it's hard to divide tracks using it. On the other hand, burning songs from cassettes to a stereo burner is pretty easy.

Actually, I don't have time to do any of that stuff. I'll just have hundreds of cassettes that I will never listen to.

I'm at Haight St. McDonalds right now. I don't know why I like it here, except that it's the antidote to home (noisy and bright instead of quiet and dark). It's a beautiful crisp sunny day today and I'm fighting the urge to ride my bike. My paper and class presentation is due Tuesday and I really need to finish it.

My new favorite place to hang out is the cafe at the LGBT center (named "The 3 Dollar Bill" --get it? as in "gay as a 3 dollar bill.") The ambience is really good there and they have free wifi and cheap delicious smoothies and vegan cookies. I was there for like 4 hours yesterday. The last hour I stayed for "Translate," the monthly open mic for trans youth (which they define as under 25 years old). By friend Crystal from the Anthro class I took this past summer showed up to perform with her friend Butch, who is a trans dude (Crystal's teetering on the edge of transiness, she cut off her cool braids and now looks even more andro than before). They do this acoustic guital duo thing they call "Transmission." The tranny youth there seemed so happy and well adjusted, it made me want to cry. It's a big trans week in SF for some reason, it was Transgender Awareness Day at City College on Wednesday, Thursday there was a Transgender music fest at SF State, and today there's "Genderblast" going on somewhere down in the Mission.

Still waiting to hear from med schools. This is driving me nuts. My mood swings are really out of control.

ok, you asked for it!

Please answer only if you feel comfortable sharing this information. I understand the highly personal nature of both spiritual belief and drug use.
This questionnaire is completely anonymous; I am using it to collect data for a term paper I am writing for an Anthropology class I am taking. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated and will be used solely for academic purposes. The questions are mostly yes/no, but feel free to elaborate on your answers to any of the questions (write in the margins, under the question, where ever!)


1. How old are you? _____

2. What is your race? (circle one) •Caucasian (white) •African-American
Asian/PacificIslander • Other

3. What is your gender? •Female •Male •Other

4. Do you presently inject drugs for recreational purposes, such as heroin, cocaine,
etc.? Y N

5. Have you ever in the past used injected drugs? Y N

6. Do you presently have health insurance? Y N

7. Have you ever been homeless? Y N

8. Where do you usually receive health care? •doctor’s office •public health
clinic •ER •I don’t

9. Do you currently belong to a religion? Y N

10. If so, what is the name of the religion? ____________________________________

11. Do you believe in a god or gods? Y N

12. Do you consider yourself an atheist? Y N

13. Have you belonged to a religion in the past but then “lost faith” in it? Y N

14. Were you raised in a certain religion? Y N

15. What was the name of that religion? _____________________________________

16. Did you attend regular religious services while growing up? Y N

17. Was there any point in your life when you changed religions? Y N

18. If so, how many times have you changed religions? _____

19. Was there any point in your life when you rejected religion or god? Y N

20. If so, did you stay that way, or did you “return” to religion/god? stay return

21. Did you ever experience an event in your life with strong spiritual or religious meaning,
such as a sudden conversion, religious vision, spiritual awakening, etc? Y N

24. Have your religious experiences ever involved the use of drugs? Y N

25. Where did you mainly learn about religion (for example, school, family, frtiends,
books?) _________________________________________________________

26. If you believe in god, do you believe god judges people based on their behavior?
Y N

27. If you believe in god, what is your concept of god? •male •female •god has
no human qualities

28. Do you agree or disagree with the following statements?

•god is an inpersonal force that does not communicate with or influence humans. Y N

•god has already passed judgement on humans individually or collectively. Y N

•god’s judgement can be influenced by prayer/moral behavior/good works. Y N

•recreational drugs are part of god’s creation and as such exist for us to use. Y N

•We can never know the mind of god. Y N

•all religions have legitimacy. Y N

•there is only one true religion. Y N

•drugs can give a person access to spiritual insight. Y N

•god is everything and everywhere. Y N

•god has turned his/her/it’s back on mankind. Y N

•god wants people to enjoy themselves. Y N

•my parents gave me no religious guidance. Y N

•my parents were religious fanatics. Y N

•the world would be better place if there were no recreational drugs. Y N

•the world would be a better place if everyone took recreational drugs. Y N

•people are basically good. Y N

•people are basically evil. Y N

•there is a purpose to everyone and everything; everything happens for a reason. Y N

•people have free will. Y N

•all my life I have been searching for spiritual meaning. Y N

•I have found the spiritual meaning to my life. Y N

•finding spiritual meaning is not important to me. Y N

•throughout history, organized religion has been mostly destructive. Y N

•throughout history, organized religion has been mostly beneficial. Y N

•organized religion is not the answer, spiritual enlightenment comes from within. Y N

•I see myself becoming more spiritual in the future. Y N

•I see myself becoming less spiritual in the future. Y N

•see myself staying the same when it comes to spirituality. Y N

Thank you for your time!

Friday, November 19, 2004

I'll answer your questions

but can't come to SF right now. All available time must be used to clean and organize or work overtime to pay for things.

in other news, we had to put Allie to sleep last Wednesday. which has contributed to my daze and funk. she just faded so much in the last weeks. and in the last days she kept getting wobblier and wobblier.

She was with us 16 years.

it's funny that it's been so long. where have the years gone?

whino-critical

Diane, that last post was sooo Mac-like!
Hey, how come you/you guys never answer my questions? I ask the simple question "will ya answer my friggin' questionanaire?" and I get no response. What's up with that? it's so Winston. Life in the 21st century is all about customer service. Serve your customers or die. I am your customer, dammit, I am your customer!

Hey, why won't you miscreants fly out and visit me? Air fare this way is excruciatingly low right now. I guarantee a wicked wild weekend (if you want one). We can even mainline smack if you like! Just kidding. Bring Carolyn-- she's prolly never seen a tranny hooker before. Be good for her education.

hey Ebo, Ebo, Enonettes!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The CD is done burned

it will go in the mail on the morrow. whoot!!! rock n roll!!!

I finally got around to reading the Daniel Elsberg interview in da SUN. Wow, I hope that guy's sort of just paranoid and not just incredibly insightful, cuz, yeah, I think the Bushies are a bit imperious, but NOT IN DR STRANGELOVE LAND! I mean, living out here I'm used to nonstop outrageous anti-Bush sentiment, so I figured it's reality-skewed and take it with a grain. But if I take Elsberg as gospel, then the Bill of Rights is about to be suspended. Well, on the positive side, Ashcroft's resigned.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

anyone wanna answer the questionnaire

that's the basis for my Anthro term paper?

Neither dead nor lurking

hey.

it is 9:10

owen has therapist appt at 10

i have doctor appt at noon because i screened high for cholesterol, blood pressure, body mass, and weight at our work health fair.

helen has therapist appt at 2.

that's my upcoming day.

gotta get a shower.

will actually write some later this afternoon. sorry guys. i mena gals.

scott

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

good news!

I figured out how to transfer songs from the laptop to the desktop! I burned you a CD, Diane!

Finally made up the weekend of SFSI training I missed 6 months ago when I went to Crete. Two of my classmates also missed the last weekend, and all 3 of us showed up for the weekend! The trainers were amazed-- usually dropouts never come back.
I really like the SFSI "core group," which is like 5 people. They asked me if I'd be on the gender panel for next training; I told them sure, I've even been on another gender panel already! They said they weren't surprised. I'm gender-tested!

making lots of headway on my term paper, but as the deadline approaches (it's due next Tuesday, along with my class presentation), I've developed a nervous appetite and am eating everything in sight. Well, not really, just a lot of bad stuff like cookies. It will pass. Truth be told, most of the anxiety is stemming from the silence from medical schools that have my applications. It's killing me! I want to know what I'm doing next year. I'm beginning to lose confidence, feeling like this is just a big expensive folly. Give me back the confidence I had this past summer. Wherever it came from, it was marvelous.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

My physio

books says lethicin helps make cholestrol soluable, so it does seem to serve a purpose, but I think maybe the cholesterol is excess, but maybe not. It's funny, if you read enough A&P books, you know there's something funny going on when the author skips over something that would seem to be relevant, it either means 1) no one knows, or 2) we do know, but it's way too complicated to go into here. The better text books, or at least the ones I like, actually say that. A&P books are always vague on the topic of cholesterol. And a lot of brain stuff.

As for antibodies, I think there are patches of lymphoid in the mucosa of the GI (MALT). Actually anywhere you have connective tissue, like stroma or a lamina propria, I think you can have lymphocytes hanging around in there.

Worked on my assignment this weekend. (Late again; I have to go beg the postmistress to postmark it Friday.) It was sunny. It's nice in the afternoons in the new house with the sun coming in the big windows. I haven't been in here yet on a sunny day, since I'm usually at work.

Speaking of which, I'm really sick of work. I feel like there are different rules for different people and I'm really kind of tired of it. Every day I go in with an almost military kind of attitude. I'm just going to go in, do my job, try not to make any mistakes, be value added, etc. and suck it up. But it does bother me that I feel suspect if I don't have a stack of filing in my hand every second but other people are free to stand around joking with the doctors in back with out comment. I'm about to snap.

How come when I'm writing an email, I hit some key and everything I've written will just disappear? I can never figure out what key it is, or how to undo it.

Also, how come my CD player says there's no CD in there when there is, and it takes like 6 tries? Is it dirty? How do you clean it?

I think Scott has really abandoned us this time.

I just heard a gunshot. It's still dark out. Someone must be spotlighting. Hunting season doesn't start until Monday. Lots of guys in orange hats and vests driving around and in the stores. Ed had a fire call yesterday. Some hunters set their camp on fire.

Carolyn went to her friends house yesterday; Emma is coming over today. I hate to say it, but her friend really gets on my nerves. She like the Cat in the Hat when she comes over; she never just wants to play some game, or Barbies or something simply. It's always "Lets take all the blankets off the bed and make a tent." "Let's go in the bathroom and play hairdresser." And she must sample every snack and beverage item in the house. I sound like a mean mom. When we had her for a week last summer, I almost went insane.

there are also antibodies

found in gall bladder fluid. I have no idea why or how they get there.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

cooking

is not in the cards for me ever. Winston brought up the specter of cooking once again today, which he does periodically. He says he wishes he had someone who would cook for him as a show of affection, implying that I should cook for him. Basically, he just wishes I would cook him salmon. I tell him how to cook it, but I won't cook it, unless he really really begged me. He makes the point about my diet, that it wouldn't be that hard to cook up some rice, sautee some veggies, do a stir fry kind of thing. My reply is that it's more convenient to just pick up a $4 veggie burrito at a taqueria, take it home, do burrito surgery (ie, slit it open), add my own stuff-- chopped tomatoes, garlic, tofu, walnuts, whatever-- and there you go, it's a meal (plus the tacks always give you tortilla chips on the side). That's a meal. In fact, it's my most common meal. It's nearly instant gratification. It's fairly healthy, especially when I have my high fiber custom burrito: pinto beans, jalapenos, lettuce, diced onion, a little cheese, in a whole wheat tortilla. What else? always fresh fruit around, the occasional bread product from Arizmendi's, sometimes I get almond butter to schmeer on it. I roasted the pumpkin seeds for the jack-o-lantern I carved (He's a skull, talking on a cell phone!)and have been munching on those. Then all the junk I eat on the run, the occasional giant cookie, the cheese slice from various pizza joints on my commute between home and Davies (there's like 4 of 'em), an occasional bout of indian food carry out (which has all that nasty ghee in it, so I try not to eat much of that). I don't know, it's sort of a diet, kinda healthy, I burn it all off on the bike anyway. Cooking would just complicate things. Everything I really want to eat is bad for me, so why not just eat the few things that are pretty good for me that I sorta like (burritos, basically)?

tired of being a drone

that's the main reason I want to be a doctor. I want to do something challenging before I die. It's a big self-esteem experiment. If I get in, suddenly I have a new big giant project! Yeah, docs are mostly jerks. But I won't be. I just hate this phase that I'm in. I've sent out all these apps, pestered folks to write letters of recommendation. Now I'm waiting for responses. Am I in the running? Do I have no chance in hell? Are members of the admissions commitees having a good laugh over my excruciatingly self-revelatory essays? What am I going to be doing next year?

anyway

I can just upload songs from my CD's to the desktop, then burn a CD for you. It just takes time.

I wasted hours today trying to edit and print out a stupid application on my laptop. I had to install microsoft Word for mac on it and I'm not used to how it works. Don't have time to read the instructions-- maybe I should, huh?

That's what I do these days-- take my laptop with me everywhere so I can work on applications when inspiration strikes me. I am so sick about writing about myself, because it sounds like such bullshit. I'm 42 and I have no significant life/career experiences ("research that I've been involved in?" fuck that, I'm just a working stiff!)

I'll try to make you a CD this week.

I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off to work on my anthro term paper. I would have burned you a CD a long time ago except that my CD burner (on the stereo) died some time ago and I haven't replaced it. My laptop, which is where all my iPod tumes are, doesn't have a CD-R drive. The desktop computer does have a CD burner, but I don't have any music on that computer, Marc has all his music on it. He's got hundreds if not thousands of songs on it, many that he purchased online. There's gonna be a real problem when he moves out-- he's gonna want the computer. But he only invested $400 in it, less than half of what I put in it. Plus, I've installed a couple hundred dollars worth of additional software. I'll let him have the computer if he coughs up $1000, but I know he doesn't have it, so he'll be really hurt when I say no.

Friday, November 12, 2004

bile

The gall bladder also secretes phospholipids (lechithin I think), electrolytes, some proteins, and bilirubin/biliverdin, along with the bile salts. Maybe the cholesterol is just leftover from the (inefficient?) formation of bile (which is made from cholesterol). I don't know, I'll ask my nutrition prof.

is the cholesterol

secreted in bile just excess from the liver, or does it serve any digestive purpose?

Thursday, November 11, 2004

I don't have

my speakers hooked up. Infact, I'm using my older, slow computer because the new one doesn't have a disc drive, and I need it to save it so I can print it at the library. I need a new ink cartridge, and I'm too cheap to go buy one at the moment.

Did I mention Carolyn and I hit a deer on the way back from Sudbury. It's going to cost $300. and I felt bad for the deer, of course. I don't know if I killed it; it was dark, and I didn't go back to check. I hit it with the corner panel on the passengerside - a split second more and it would have been home free. It was running full speed across the road and I hardly had time to break. We had just picked up Chinese food in Little Current and chicken balls went flying.


Work has been stressful lately, not just for me personally, but the general atmosphere is tense. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Are you sure you want to be a doctor? They are really kind of strange, you know.

Send me some music.

So do you still never cook? I have cooking burnout. I can't think of any new recipes and it seems like we eat the same things all the times, and everything is bad for you anyway. Just think how much time and money you'd save if you just didn't eat.

I had to close up the cabin last weekend. Put a fire on and finished cleaning the kitchen, bagging things up to keep out mice. Ed helped me with the shutters. All that's left is to drain the pipes, sweep out the fire place and put the last couple of shutters on until spring. So I don't have a very good excuse to be out there any more.

We have had a few flurries but no real snow yet. Everything is pretty dreary looking. It seems to cloud up every weekend.









here's what i know about histo:

"wear gloves when you stain stuff unless you like colorful hands."

sure, ask me your histo queries

keeping in mind I know nothing about histology.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

so were you able to play the experimental audioblog?

Is there a cat psychologist in the house?

Our cat Cincy hasd kittens and we kept one, a male, Earl, who is now a year old and has suddenly started attacking his mother every times her sees her. I can't even let them in the house together. They don't just get into skirmishes over food, he will actually go room to room seraching for her until he finds her and then attack. I was sleeping peacefully at 6am when Ed let Earl in. Cincy was sleeping above my pillow. Carolyn and I hid under the covers and finally Ed came in from the kitchen. Earl chased Cincy under the dresser and Ed was on the floor reaching under there and wacking them with his mocassin, trying to break it up.

So I called the Vet today to ask for advice. They said getting Earl fixed might help, but they couldn't promise. Plus it takes like a month for all of the hormones to leave his system. I'm doughtful as well- don't males usually act this way towards other males. Cincy is half his size and doesn't put up any resistance. Also, he tolerated the little barn kitten we were nursing back to health. So why does he hate his mother?

okay, but if you want me to blog

You may have to assist me with my histology homework assignment which is due Friday. (But maybe Joan the post office lady will post mark it Friday on Monday again. Why do they make these things due on a Friday anyway. Last time it was always Monday. )

still, hope springs eternal with this blogger thing.

I hope you're not this lackadasical with your customers, you little service economy drones you!

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

friends don't let friends get away with not blogging.

blog, you jerks!

Sunday, November 07, 2004

it was a tough road

for the man they called 'Johnny Nutraceutical.'

bear witness to republican pomposity!

this is an audio post - click to play

i mean

it's like competition between wireless carriers has become so fierce that even a skull can qualify for a plan that includes 300 anytime minutes, excluding weekend evenings (after 6 pm) and holidays!!!

I agree

that the states should be allowed to decide the legality or illegality of same-sex marriage (and not just "domestic partnership;" I mean full-fledged, equal before the law marriage). And that the federal government should not amend the constitution to prevent it. If it shakes out that the coasts have gay marriage and the middle doesn't, so be it. All the family-oriented same sex couples who would move here would be our gain, your loss.

Davies

is spiralling into a Heller-esque vortex of disfunctional surrealism, even as we are lauded for how "productive" we are. I was secretly congratulated by co-workers for suggesting at our monthly lab meeting that the reason our revenue is so good is that we're missing a layer or two of sorely needed management.

I don't know if I can last the remaining 7 months. I might have to retire at the end of April. For sanity's sake.

but she prolly

wouldn't have visited if I lived in Schenectady. Okay, she also visited a year and a half ago in New Mexico to help work on the house, which was nice. But she's retired, and all her other friends are sticks-in-the-mud (like mine perhaps?)

so I would need some kind of false assurance that you would visit me someday, even if you have no intention to.

Hey, wanna write a fake (okay, let's say "exaggerated") letter of recommendation for me? I need a really over-the-top LOR to get me into Johns Hopkin.

very funny

about the "marry an american." I couldn't move to Canada because then I would have to relearn all the lab reference ranges in mmol/L.

My only problem with visiting is that I'll be taking the usual 2 classes, so maybe I could only stay a couple of days. Also the fact that nobody ever visits me. Including my parents. I've spent thousands of $$ over the past decade visiting friends around the country and nobody ever reciprocates. Except my sister, and that's only when she and her (ex) husband were in the area for some other reason. Okay, Jennifer DID visit for a week 2 years ago after our bike trip.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Sheldon Stanton

who was not what I'd call streetwise but did spend a surprising amount of time in bars, once said to me: "If you see two guys beating each other up, it almost always has something to do with a girl."

And I agree with Sheldon. I think marriage was invented to subdue the violent, competitive urges of males, to keep them from knocking each other senseless every half hour, which is hardly beneficial for the species.

In But of course, marrigae is a means of survival. But not just for offspring. Your partner has your back. One time in the lab there was this single woman who broke both her legs in a car accident, and we talked about how impossible a situation like that would be if you had no one to help you - I mean, how much can you ask a neighbor or your kid to do? That's what marriage is all about, I think, and that's why I think it's wrong to deny gay people that one person who is supposed to always be there, and do what not even a parent or child or best friend can be expected to do.

Sure, my mom ,

and people like her, have a right to their views. I just want a better explanation than "Because I said so, that's why!" I mean seriously, one concrete reason why it is an unfair, unjust, bad, or harmful thing. Is that asking too much? Is that really elitist?

Even more interesting

is if you look at a map of the vote broken out by county. The map is almost entirely red. And the only blue is at the cities and the extreme edge of the west coast. Hamilton county of course would be red.

The thing is, if you asked people in Red States about it, they would not call Gay Marriage progressive. They don't think it's an improvement.

One of the problems is that anyone who disagrees with Gay Marriage is labeled as homophobic, neanderthals. Hate-mongering Nazis. Why does opposition to Gay Marriage equate to opposition to Women's Rights?

Your mother has the right to her views. As do millions of others. They aren't ignorant. It's imperious and elitist to suggest so.

Personally, I could see a workable compromise that would allow marriage between men and women, and domestic partnership for gays and lesbians.

What is marriage? Why does it exist? It was created to permit the raising of children to adulthood. Marriages hold families together. Families are the means by which societies maintain themselves. Families provide the most basic level of human government and social order.

Only later did marriage come to signify love.

Marriage is a fancy name for a partnership to maintain a household together. But of course, there is more to it than that. But fundamentally it is an economic relationship.

I personally have no problem with gays and lesbians having the same ability to join together as heterosexual couples. But I understand those who don't feel the same way. I have always felt that the beauty of the united states was that with 50 states you were always likely to find at least one of those states willing to give something a try. I don't think there should be an amendment to the constitution. The individual states have the sovereign right to regulate civil affairs such as marriage. Congress should not interfere with that.

So I don't know.

What do you say?

H2O ??

Wow. I wish I had read your note before now. Jeez.

Audra says if it's ever on again to please tape it for us.

Her other favorite Callum Keith Rennie plays an "agent provacateur".

As Audra says, there are about 20 canadian actors, and they're in all the movies.

You'll be shocked to hear this, but I voted for Kerry.

I had been thinking and thinking, and at the last moment decided.

In the end, it didn't matter. And it's not that I hate G.W. I just felt that a switch was needed. Oh well.

Anyway. Here it is November.

why can't they accommodate weirdos like me?

management bought a bunch of chinese food today in appreciation for making Davies and Cal campuses the #1 and #2 highest revenue per test labs in the 28 lab Sutter hegemony. Not one dish was vegetarian-- even the veggies had little bits of chicken in it! Then Annie presents me with an appreciation card for working a grave last week at Cal campus on zero notice when the regular graveyard tech called in sick. Inside was a $10 Starbucks® gift card. I don't know how many dozens of times it's come up at work that I don't drink coffee, yet still I got Starbucked (yeah, I know, you can get hot chocolate and biscotti too, but... it's the concept, man the concept!) I just gave it to Marc.

My mom is one of those

people who claims not to have any problems with homosexuality, and she adores her gay hairdresser, but still won't budge on the marriage thing. Like a lot of midwesterners, it just pushes some inexplicable button with her, and also like them, she can't explain why. It's almost as if she really doesn't know why. Her answer: "Because I"m traditional." Fine be traditional. Why do you care if other people are, too? Besides, tradition was used to justify women not voting, and staying in the home, and all sorts of things in the past. People with her view can never name one concrete harmful result of letting gay people get married, but they still don't feel they are being illogical. It drives you nuts to argue with them.

The gay marriage issue to me seems like a test case of the question: "If people aren't violating somone else's rights, if they aren't endangering someone's safety, does the government have the right to regulate personal/social behavior?" Maybe that's the key to it all. Maybe some people need to feel that someone somewhere is in charge.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

I mean, it's like

Brad Pitt had all the skin and flesh removed from his head, and he's nothin' but a skull, and yet he's still calling his agent on his cell phone!

something I always wanted to do...

I did the other day; there was a homeless guy panhandling outside of the Haight St. McDonalds with a glob of mucus hanging out of one nostril. When he hit me up, I told him "I'll give ya a dollar, but you hafta hold still for a few seconds." I reached in my bag and pulled out a napkin and wiped his nose clean of snot. "There, that's much better, huh?" He seemed genuinely suprised "Did I have something growing outta my nose?" he asked sheepishly. I put the buck in his hand and said "hygeine, baby!"

sure, i'll come and visit in the dead o' winter.

i'm trying to use up all my PTO before I blow the joint at the end of May. It's no holds barred year, as far as I'm concerned. I could be in medical school this time next year. I could be homeless...

i think my mom's the opposite.

she's gotten mellower and pretty tolerant. i like to think i had a hand in that, but probably not. no, no, i'm sure she didn't vote for Kerry, that would be as likely as mom smoking crack. but she's totally on board with gays having the same rights as straights (marriage, too, i think, i'm pretty sure we talked about that once).

abortion is still an abomination in her book, though. does she know her daughter (the one who used to have a uterus) had one?

they were handing these out at halloween in the castro


which was really tame this year since they outlawed booze and violence;
you had to pass through police barricades to get in (that was my job,
standing at one of the barricades with a bucket trying to coerce folks
to cough up a $3 suggested donation to support local nonprofits
(like SFSI), not real successfully I might add.

I'm not really obsessed with the gay marriage issue, it's just that I
totally can't figure out why people in certain (red) areas of the country are
so threatened by it. The same sex couples that want to get married are as
conventional in every other way as heteros that want to get married. I
mean, it's so obvious that being gay isn't a choice, and by denying gays to
marry, the state is basically punishing them and acting as an arbiter of
customs, and getting dangerously close to being in cahoots with religion.
It's all fear and hate based.

I don't know why the center part of the US is the way it is; I suspect it's a
matter of prevailing culture. There are pockets of progressive attitudes everywhere,
college towns and boho neighborhoods. It's just that on the coasts it's the prevailing
culture.

I mean, today I went to a grant application workshop for the San Francisco Foundation,
a community foundation with the 7th largest endowment in the US. As part of their
mission to support diversity, your non profit gets extra points if you serve the transgender
community (among others), as well as have transgendered persons in your organization
(yep, it's a special category on the application). Imagine that! Sometimes I'm amazed at how
far we've come, at least in this neck of the woods.

But winter is coming

you can't abandon the blogg. I will be reaching maximum squirreliness soon. The days are already getting dark and gray and soon it will snow and snow and snow. (Rent the movie Black Robe some day - it's just like that, I swear.) I'll nedd someone to talk to. Better yet; come visit, end of January, beginning of Feb. I'll take a week off, we'll go ice fishing and cross country skiing. I'll borrow someones snowmobile.



My mother called me a socialist

she was really mad at me for voting for Kerry. She listens to a lot of talk radio while doing housework and making dinner. I don't bring politics up because it's so pointless - we'll never agree, and the thing is, I don't really care that we don't agree. But I really worry that she getting a little senile because it seems like one comment isn't logically connected to the next, and she goes off on all of these tangents. It's like arguing with a crazy person. I don't know what I was thinking calling two days before the election.

She's changed a lot over the years. She's become really self-centered and stubborn and insensitive and almost beligerent at times. I kind of feel like the person I used to know as my mom is partly dead already.

I was disappointed

but not surprised that Bush won. Kerry didn't have much of message other than "I'm not Bush." There was nothing to really draw voters to him. And despite Clintons womainizing, he was an inspiring speaker. Also there was no big third party distraction, no "nut" vote this year like Ross Perot or Pat Buchanan or Pat Robertson. But at least it was close. I would have been more depressed if it was a land slide.

It's a little disturbing to look at that big map of the US with its blue coasts and big fat red middle (with the exception of Illinois) What is with that? Is the US that geographical divided? I mean isn't there TV and radios and computers and large universities scattered across the heartland? Aren't there plenty of transplanted midwesterners living on the east west and west coasts? Isn't the US a big homogenized, accentless, Walmart shopping, Leno watching, Latte drinking, demogaphic morph?
c

i wussed out and didn't vote for Kerry

i voted for the Green candidate, Cobb. I've only voted for a major party candidate for prez once, that was Clinton in '92. Cuz I really really didn't like Bush 1.

Bush getting re-elected didn't disturb me, i knew it would happen. Thanks, Ohio! But what bugs me is that 11 or 12 states passed measures banning same-sex marriage (including Ohio).

i mean, it's a skull...

talking on a cell phone!

this also struck me as really funny


call me low-brow, i guess.

whenever you guys

don't blog for a long stretch, I start to worry that something bad has happened: Scott and Audra had a big blow-out and Scott's taken the kids and moved out, or a semi side-swiped Ed's school bus and Ed and Carolyn are in the hospital . I get the urge to call. Then when you finally blog I find out that The Creechers had a hockey touney or there was chair railing to varnish at the new house.

...and I feel dumb and pitiful.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

here's my pumpkin for this year.


in case you can't tell, it's a skull, talking on a cell phone.
the main problem here was canvas size. i needed a bigger pumpkin to accommodate all the detail.
but it was a free pumpkin that i got from the cafateria at work, so i shouldn't complain.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

irresponsible voting.

one of the candidates running for school board was:

STARCHILD
occupation: exotic dancer/escort

so i had to vote for her.

*extra* FREAKISHLY LARGE VOTER TURNOUT

pressure from co-workers to be civic-minded. "What do you MEAN you hadn't planned on voting?!! I'm driving you to the polls RIGHT NOW. I don't care if you live in Oakland!" Lines at some polling places (mine anyway) stretching around the block!
WOO-HOO! girls standing on the median at major intersections holding "honk if you love Kerry/Edwards!" (deafening cacophany ensues, causing progressive-minded cyclist made already unstable by candidate posters on bike to nearly lose control). The phrase on everone's lips today: "heard any returns yet?"

why do i always fall for it?

somebody else (Diane) will suddenly post, then i get all excited that the blog is being revitalized, then you guys (Diane) stop posting again. what's the use.
really, what's your problem, scott? the lurking shit is so old. and don't give me "got nothin' to say," you always had something to say in high school, and i know you haven't contracted a neurodegenerative disease since then. that you're trapped in some vortex of misery is crap, too. that should make you want to reach out to us more. if your life is so bad, fix it. don't be fucking dead. and if you're not fucking dead but just ignoring us, then, gee, what an insult!